DO WE HAVE TO DO ANYTHING AT A PARTY?
This is the most common misconception about swinging. It stops many couples from even dipping their toes in the water.
Obviously you’re considering the possiblity of doing something or you wouldn’t even be reading this but it is perfectly acceptable to come to a party and do nothing. Most other couples won’t even notice let alone care. The golden rule of swinging is ‘no means no’ and should someone proposition you a polite refusal won’t offend. If you’re fully dressed you are unlikely even to be approached for anything other than a friendly chat.
Remember that at any swinging event there will probably be other first-timers every bit as nervous as you – possibly even more so. Everyone knows this because everyone was a first-timer once and one of the nicest things about the scene is they way that people are considerate of each others feelings. Come along. Check it out. If you don’t want to play then don’t. If you only want to play with each other then that’s fine. Not many people who get that far turn back but if you do then at least you can say that you gave it a go.
THE JOY OF SWINGING
For attractive young men and women who enjoy sex, the hardest part of even the most wonderful relationship is monogamy. The opinion of others, the desire not to hurt your partner and avoid feeling guilty are all among the reasons people appear to stay monogamous. But we all know that when the opportunity presents itself, both men and women stray all too easily even if they are enjoying a loving relationship. The thrill of sexual adventure is so powerful that we can follow it impulsively even when it threatens our happiness in other important areas of life. We are actually all biologically programmed to be like this – the optimum procreative strategy for both sexes is monogamy plus adultery.
For a couple that love each other but are unable honestly to say to each other “I am never going to have, or want to have, sex with another person while we are lovers”, swinging can be the answer. After all, if their hobby was chess nobody would suggest they should play only with each other!
Swinging allows a couple to have sexual variety in the context of a loving relationship; constantly reaffirms the desirability of each partner in the eyes of the other; completely blows away the need or temptation for sexual deceit; provides sexual opportunities that are not really available to single people; and removes the prime cause of relationship breakdown. As each partner is instrumental in providing the other with fantastic sexual experiences beyond the hope of most people, swinging can actually reinforce the bonds between a couple.
WHO SHOULD SWING?
We would recommend swinging to couples who are BOTH sexually self-confident and adventurous and who don’t want emotional fulfilment to mean sexual retirement. That may seem obvious but many couples try swinging for reasons that differ from this and not all of them are disastrous (see below).
If you share your innermost sexual wishes and fantasies together. If acting them out together would bring you closer rather than provoke jealousy. If you are proud of your lover and want to show him or her off in an atmosphere where their talents will be appreciated. If having other people present would heighten your sexual enjoyment. If you both want to do things with your bodies that you cannot do by yourselves. If you would find making love with your lover and other people mind-expanding and self-esteem enhancing: then you should consider swinging.
Let’s face it though, not everyone’s relationship is cut out for swinging. Many people’s sexual self-confidence does not extend to being happy about their lover having sex with other people, even when the quid pro quo is that they themselves can do so.
Many couples are helped by swinging – in almost a theraputic way – when one partner cannot satisfy all the sexual needs of the other. For example, it is very common for couples to come into swinging because of the female partner’s desire for bisexual experiences. So long as both partners stick to their agreed rules, things will tend to go well. Some couples who have been swingers for years have never had penetrative sex with anyone other than themselves.
There are also couples where one partner feels the need to catch up on sexual experience without abandoning the relationship. This is most often the situation of young women dating older men. Women in their late teens or early twenties can feel that missing out on the sexual adventure their peers are enjoying spoils the fun of a settled relationship with an older man. In these circumstances swinging parties allow a young woman to fulfill the need for experience and attention without excluding her regular lover.
“He/she really wanted to do it, so I was prepared to give it a try” is often heard and again it can work if swinging goes on to become a joint pastime. There is an adage in American swinging about female newbies being dragged reluctantly into clubs at 8pm and having to be dragged out again at 8am. However, there are also couples where the woman is not really interested in sex herself, but is prepared to let hubby off the leash for a night to buy peace and quiet the rest of the time. This can work for the couple but can be a bore for everyone else and at Fever we do not accommodate couples in this category.
The oldest chestnut of all is “We were bored so we did it to try and stay together”. If a couple have a strong relationship this can work. But if there are other strains or difficulties in the relationship, swinging will not help.
Things start to go awry when one partner comes along to a swinging event against their better judgement. The keen partner will try to persuade the reluctant one to join in. Once refused, he or she will ask permission to be allowed to join in by himself/herself. The reluctant partner will then feel they are losing control of the situation, and a row ensues.
We recommend always talking things through properly beforehand. It’s better to have a row in the privacy of your own home than in front of everyone else. One option is to agree that you won’t do anything the first time you come to a party. That way the ice can be broken more slowly and the reluctant partner may realise that his or her misgivings are not based on reality.
Parties are the best way of meeting other couples interested in recreational sex and learning the ins and outs of swinging. They have a number of advantages over two-on-two meetings through contact ads. Two-on-two meetings can be fraught with anxiety. If one partner feels less than enthusiastic about one of the opposite couple, the evening can be embarassing or even disastrous.
At parties there are plenty of different couples to choose to get to know and you are not stuck talking with one couple all night if you don’t click with them. The ice is easy to break as everybody knows why everyone else is there. Nobody is expecting a sexual interaction with you and your partner in particular so there is absolutely no pressure. You get to see what happens before deciding whether it tempts you – and if it doesn’t you still have a pleasant and interesting evening.
Parties are also the highest expression of swinging because of the possibilities for exhibitionism and group sex. Nothing is as spectacular as a group scene at a party because they are exactly how everyone imagines orgies to be.
There are a lot of swinging parties held in Britain every weekend by swinging clubs and also by contact clubs, health / nudist clubs and couples in their homes. The problem is that they are too often held in out-of-the-way and uninspiring places; and they allow in people of all ages and that can mean enough of the old, fat and unattractive to put younger people off, especially young women. Some young couples persist but all too many younger swingers become disillusioned and give up.
WHAT’S SPECIAL ABOUT FEVER?
Fever parties are better. There’s no danger of travelling a long way to find a dowdy venue, or lots of older or less attractive people, or just a handful of couples, or single men prowling around once the prostitute they used as a ‘ticket’ has left.
The enthusiasts who run Fever strive to lay on the high-quality experience they want to enjoy themselves: uplifting locations, imaginitive candlelighting, suitable music, inexhaustable drink, acres of inviting bedspace and, above all, stunning and sexually adventurous partygoers.
Fever always has plenty of people at its events, usually 60-80 couples at houseparties and 80-120 at club nights, depending on the size of the venue. They are real couples, mostly in long-term relationships, and they are selected from their photographs by a mixed-sex panel on the basis of youth and good-looks.
Fever also only uses high class venues. We believe that young couples prefer to feel they are going somewhere better (or at least not worse) than the place they live when they go out for a Saturday night swinging experience. We feel this is particularly true of women.
If you are an adventurous and attractive couple or a sexy single female and you are under 40, you could join us at the next party.